is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
The power of my boobs compel you
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
