....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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