Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
