you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
