this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
We had to coat check the pizza.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
