bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
