I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
