the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
