It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
