so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
even my farts smell like vagina
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
