I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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