STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
