He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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