Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
