I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
