I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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