I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
