dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
