Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
