But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
