Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
