oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
