Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
