sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Is it penis luge time yet?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Randomize
