Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
