i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
