I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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