I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
a search helicopter?!
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
