is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
