Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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