I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
