This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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