So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
BRING THE BAGELS
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
