Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
