No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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