1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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