Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
