"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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