I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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