I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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