She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
