Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
