Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
