Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
