what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
