I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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