just survived the first fart of the relationship.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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