take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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