That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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