THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
